This is the continuing part of the Law of Awareness content.
As we all know, self-awareness is a primary competency that allows people to be leaders and complete the growth journey. The first self-awareness is developed when a baby is 15 to 18 months old, and this idea was first recognized and shared in Lewis and Brooks-Gunn’s research. To prove this, they drew a red dot on a child’s nose and put a mirror in front of the child. The children who recognize themselves reached for their noses rather than for the mirror’s reflections. That’s a sign that they have started to develop self-awareness.
According to Philippe Rochat, there are five stages of developing self-awareness in a child’s growth journey:
- Differentiation
It happens when the baby starts to acknowledge their reflections. They detect something when they look at their reflections. - Situation
The baby starts recognizing their reflections, people, and movements. - Identification
The child enters this stage when they conclude that “the reflection in the mirror is theirs.” - Permanence
It happens when the child can identify themselves (in pictures, videos, and even when their appearance changes). - Self-consciousness
When the child can adapt to the 3rd person’s point of view of themselves, and when they are aware that other people’s existence can affect them (shame, pride)
Self-awareness is not comparing ourselves against the standards of correctness. What we do as a part of routine doesn’t mean it’s held the absolute truth to judge our behavior and thought. There are two possible outcomes scenarios if we compare ourselves that contradict our standard of correctness.
- Find the alignment
- Find the gap or differences.
When we know and notice a gap between what we believe as truth and the truth itself, we tend to find and choose the different options that lead us to the same conclusion as ours. Or if we can’t find it, we tend to avoid it.
Our result prediction will define how we will respond to a situation. When we start calculating the possibility and the result prediction, it will automatically decide how much time and effort we will put in. It’s like gambling with our choice. Having and believing in high standards will give us less opportunity to succeed. So, if you find yourself wasting time to prioritize the worst scenarios, do the opposite; instead of imagining “what if I fail?” change it into “what if I succeed?”
Dive more into self-awareness. According to HBR, there are 2 types of awareness:
External / Public
It describes how people see us, how we appear to others, and what we need to do to be socially accepted. It is also related to our empathy levels to position ourselves in somebody’s shoes.
Internal / Private
Relates to our inner state; our values, passions, aspirations, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, weaknesses, and all related to ourselves that might be impacting others. This person will also know why they feel or behave a certain way.
A person who develops inner or internal self-awareness will get closer to achieving emotional equilibrium.
“Emotional equilibrium,” is achieved when we allow ourselves to show our feelings without suppressing or feeling suffocated by them. When they can express their emotions, they will move on to the solution phase, which is to observe and accept their emotions as it is (Psychology Today). In shorter words, it is behaving in a way that creates balance (Dr.Tanja).
The explanation of external and internal types of self-awareness leads us to 4 quadrants, created by Tasha Eurich: Introspectors, awake, seekers, and pleasers.
To describe this quadrant:
Pleasers (Low Internal Awareness and High External Awareness)
This type of person is focused and dedicated themselves to meeting the expectations of others and less prioritizing themselves. People’s opinion will be their groundline for making a decision.
It will lead to them being unhappy and unfulfilled.
Seekers (Both the Internal and External Awareness are Low)
It happens to someone who enters a quarter-life crisis (QLC), in which they still don’t know which direction they want to go and are still figuring out their identity.
Often people in this situation feel stuck and frustrated with their relationships as well as with their performance.
Aware (The opposite of Seekers, both the internal and external awareness are High)
The true leader we choose to be the role model for all leaders is the person who belongs to this type of person. They already realize and know themselves; they know their value and what they stand for, plus they are also open to feedback.
Introspectors (High Internal Awareness and Low External Awareness)
Someone who thinks they know themselves better than anyone is not trying to improve or find out their weakness and what they could improve. This type of person will find it hard to engage in positive mutual relationships; they also limit the possibility of becoming successful.
After you see this, you could come up with a question, what are the criteria for a good leader, and who’s fit to become one of them? According to the research in HBR, only 10-15% of people genuinely fit the criteria. Let’s find out, are you the one that’s fit to these criteria?
1. Know their type of self-awareness
2. Experience and power hinder self-awareness.
The more power someone has, the more likely they are to OVERESTIMATE their skills and abilities.
Let me explain that, usually, the higher position someone had, the fewer people who could provide feedback. Because as we all know, people who work under that person have less courage to critique or provide feedback for their bosses, even though it’s constructive.
The people who are already in the higher-ups’ willingness to listen and take feedback will be decreased as the power grows. And it automatically leads them to be more absorbed in their role, and they won’t even think they need to change. Instead, they want to change the others.
3. Someone who knows the answer to “What.”
It’s not the “why” question. If we know the answer to the “why,” we often take it as absolute truth, even though that’s not the case. We often judge and jump to conclusions, ignoring the contradictive evidence. We force our minds to play along with the scenario we made. That’s why the sentence “we believe what we want to believe” is so popular.
Why do we need to change the “WHY” into the “WHAT?”
It will help us be more objective, future-oriented, and adaptive. Instead of letting the negativity slip in, we can shift it to find a possible solution.
For example,
Instead of, “why can’t I do this right?”
Make it, “what can I do right?”
Don’t waste your time to regret and dwelling on the past. Focus on what’s important. Remember, we can’t change the past. We are in the hands of shaping a better future by making better solutions and decisions.
Last but not least, here are FIVE ways to practice self-awareness:
- Have a meaningful me-time or solitude
Don’t let the social world buzz your day.
I have some friends who feel like I’m reflecting on myself whenever I write a letter or exchange messages with them. When I transcribe what I am feeling into words, it soothes and helps me get to know myself deeper. - Jotting down your thoughts and ideas through the traditional method of writing (if you like to write). If you don’t, you can record it to make an audio journal.
- Practice listening
We have two ears for a reason, which is to listen more.
Listen – Observe – Evaluate - You can gather your courage to ask for feedback to improve external awareness.
- Pay attention to your mind and inner state. Pace everything and be mindful of yourself.
Invest your time to repair your inner work. You can start by doing something to improve your impact on one particular activity. The alternative idea is to engage in something you like, to reduce the tension after you return from your busy life (that is what you consider a regular routine).
You can take it as an activity to reset your mind and body to the default setting.
Notes:
If you are worried that it may clash with your buzzing day, plan it in advance.
That’s all that I want to share with you. I hope this content will give you new insight and information to level yourself internally and externally. Thank you for reading till the end. See you in the following content!
Happy Learning!
References:
- https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-self-awareness
- https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it
- https://www.betterup.com/blog/looking-inward-can-make-you-a-better-leader?hsLang=en
- https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-awareness-2795023
- https://positivepsychology.com/self-awareness-matters-how-you-can-be-more-self-aware/
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