Before we dive into the Law of the Mirror, let’s begin with this simple sentence, “When you recognize your value, you will begin to add value to yourself,” by Johnnetta McSwain. That sentence will guide us from the beginning to the end to understand the concept of the Law of the Mirror.
The law of the mirror is whatever feelings we have toward people; when we can describe or label them, it means we have the same traits. If we cannot see, mark, understand, and explain, it means it’s not in us. But if you can see it in others while they don’t, the bigger the probability that it’s not in them.
There is another sentence that I believe it applies to all of us, but not everyone can gladly accept it; “not everyone sees the same thing.” Just like it’s not easy to accept our negative traits or declare what we think as wrongdoings toward ourselves.
“Have you ever been told that you are unattractive by someone you believe is unattractive?”
What makes us often unable to identify and see our traits and qualities?
Here’s the answer, it’s because of the defense mechanism to refuse unacceptable feelings, thoughts, actions, and beliefs. It leads us to deny what could happen to us and attribute them to something else (subject or object).
Projecting something will make your likes and dislikes more obvious. It’s crucial to be aware of these to enable us to manage our workflow better, improve our thinking process, and manage our perceptions of ourselves and others.
So, remember, every emotion or classification we label others doesn’t originate from the other person. It’s because of what we are feeling and the signal we feel and get at that moment. Our projection and forecast distort reality and messes with our minds. What we believe in our minds is the mastermind, and the truth is the mirror version. As Carl Jung said, “What you deny submits you, and what you accept transforms you.”
Judging things according to the root is essential rather than based on the surface. You might wonder how we control our reactions to react slowly and be less judgmental.
To find the answer, let’s do this practice first.
Find yourself a comfortable place or position, and try to be brutally honest with yourselves to spot your flaws and analyze your behaviors. And then, you can practice these steps.
- Choose one person that you dislike or your enemy.
- Make a list of positive things that you should thank them for.
- Left zero anxiety and set a little bit of patience to deal with this practice
- Read it aloud, as if you are saying it directly on their face.
It’s not easy, I know. Even I wouldn’t say I liked that suggestion or even as a solution. Take your time, and I will also take my time to deal with this anger and confusion 🙂
Let’s find out a little bit about anger and confusion. Both might sound related to one another, but it’s the source of how we differentiate ourselves from others. When you feel someone gets angry with you without knowing the trigger or the cause, it means that whatever their excuses are, it might not be the accurate truth. It might be true and sounds crucial for them, but maybe not for you. To make it easier to understand, sometimes we might think that what we have is a good intention, but it might be seen as the opposite by others. Just like being shy is equalized as being arrogant, being kind gets accused of ‘having ulterior motives.’
When we can see good things or traits of one person, we realize that it also reflects our qualities. This leads me to the next important point: we must be extra careful and selective when allowing people to enter our circle. Entering the process of filtering people, we must distinguish and read the signal.
According to Doe Zantamata’s article, “conversing with someone with completely different mirrors leads both subjects to misunderstand each other.” Many of us will probably tell from the first meeting when we can’t bond or socialize well with that person, and it will make you uncomfortable, uneasy, or lazy to encounter that person, being grouped, you name it.
If possible, ask your friend about that ‘mysterious vibe’ you felt about that person. If your friend can understand, even explain that person’s character, the bigger the odds of your friend having the same trait.
When I was in college and still staying in my shared house, I had a friend I couldn’t find a way to communicate with. It felt uncomfortable, and I couldn’t find any topics to discuss with that person. It’s not like he had ever done wrong. Since I first met him, I felt I wanted to avoid him at all costs. I couldn’t explain this kind of feeling. Even he asked me, “When I was around, why are you always quiet?” Well, I don’t know either. Some might think it’s pretty weird, but that’s how it is.
When you are with people who are too different from you, that person’s laughter and jokes could hurt you. Both of you or one of you often clash with each other, are too sensitive, and even internalize the pain.
Can you change ‘that’ person?
It’s hard to admit, but I don’t think so. We can’t change people just because we don’t like their characters. The only way to make them make the change is to make them realize it. If you feel you can’t deal with them anymore, distance yourselves. And, of course, it doesn’t sound easy if that person is already hanging around in your circle. But if you let that person draft away from your circle, your mind and soul will thank you later. And if you are in the opposite position, it’s only a matter of time before you possess the same traits.
Distancing yourself for your own benefit is not an egoist act. Sometimes to move further, we need to free ourselves and cut the branches that keep hurting us, and you have the absolute right not to explain or make unnecessary excuses.
Care-less when people judge you, especially when you know that ‘that’ person can’t give the actionable solution or see the results in their lives. Constructive feedbacks versus overjudge someone are different. With that in mind, I hope we can seek feedback from those we trust, not just from the people who are there.
Make yourself stronger. When negative words come across, try to reverse them. And to remind you, our lives are not dictated by the label the people put on us. Instead of letting negativity ring, let’s pay more attention to ourselves (it doesn’t mean we neglect and decrease our humanity to be kind) and be more attentive to how we perceive ourselves.
A mirror is critical to building self-esteem because it’s a powerful feedback tool. Without looking at the mirror, we cannot find “what’s wrong with ourselves,” but everything’s revealed when we stand and look at ourselves. Just like, when we see the beauty in people, there’s beauty in us.
In life, we need feedback to grow ourselves. Reality has taught us that it reflects our present identity and reveals every hidden character that might differ from the one we said we have.
Here comes the last sentence and our conclusion for this article…
Let’s try our best to take ownership of how we see others. Observing should come first before we judge someone because, as nature’s law applies, “the judge comes with the blame.”
That’s all for the first part of the Law of the Mirror article. See you at the next part.
References
Maxwell, J.C. (2012). The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. Center Street.
Ring, M. (2014, July 16). The Law of the Mirror –. The Law of the Mirror -. https://meaningring.com/2014/07/16/the-law-of-the-mirror-by-john-c-maxwell/
A. (2017, April 28). John Maxwell’s Law of the Mirror: Why You Must See Value In Yourself To Add Value To Yourself. Have the Health, Business, and Life You’ve Always Dreamed Of. https://alyciaskousen.com/law-of-the-mirror-self-image/
C. (2021, December 4). The Law of Mirroring: What You See in Others Is Your Own Reflection | ::: Chantal MAILLE ::: Psychanalyste. ::: Chantal MAILLE ::: Psychanalyste. https://chmpsy.com/2021/12/04/the-law-of-mirroring-what-you-see-in-others-is-your-own-reflection/
Karma: Law 5, The Law of Mirrors. (2012, December 3). Random Thoughts N’ Lotsa Coffee. http://www.randomthoughtsandlotsacoffee.com/2/post/2012/12/karma-law-5-the-law-of-mirrors.html
LAW OF MIRRORS | YOUR REALITY IS A REFLECTION | HOW WE JUDGE IS ALWAYS REFLECTED BACK TO US. (2020, May 10). YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPsWkDVUBYE
What is the Law of Mirrors? (2017, March 11). Step to Health. https://steptohealth.com/what-is-the-law-of-mirrors/
The Law of the Mirror: Using Others to Solve Our Problems. (2017, June 19). Exploring Your Mind. https://exploringyourmind.com/law-mirror-using-others-solve-problems/
G. (2021, January 24). What Is The Law Of Mirrors & How You Can Benefit From It. Grethaal | We Are All Made of Magic. https://grethaal.com/law-of-mirrors/
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